The first Christmas after we moved to Old Ottawa South, the kids and I went to the "holiday season performance" at HAPS. When I was tucking the kids into bed that night, Logan was unusually despondent. In response to my question about what was wrong he confessed that he hadn't tried out for a part in the performance because he'd been afraid to. He regretted not having done so as some of his classmates and friends were in it and it looked like it was fun.
Logan and I talked about how that feeling of nervousness or "butterflies in your tummy" was a good thing and that it meant that you were thinking about doing something outside of the box, outside of the comfort zone and that in turn meant that you were growing as an individual and doing new things - stretching the boundaries.
"Always live life with the butterflies", I told him. If you think about doing something and it gives you that butterfly feeling then that is the thing that you need to go for. We three turned "Live with the butterflies" into our family motto and I credit that in large measure for the incredible achievements my kids have had and the wonderful things that they've not only dared to try but have been successful with - even if only they knew what the success was.
Sydny, who was very young at this time, heard all the conversations about butterflies and trying new things. The following summer, Sydny and I were bike riding to the RA Centre for day camp. Sydny was relatively new to riding a two wheeler and was nervous about going on the streets, even in our neighbourhood. I told her not to worry - that this was just a "butterfly" moment. She peddaled for another minute and then let rip a tremendous fart! "Ah", she said, "That takes care of those butterflies"!
When I got the diagnosis of cancer I took a good look at everything - as one does. I got alot of work done around the house that I've been putting off (for years in some cases) and I'm having all the furniture reupholstered (it needed to be done 20 years ago when I got the pieces from my grandparents - you can imagine the shape they're in). I've also been flirting with the idea of getting a small tatoo but I could never decide what or where.
Cancer is a real focusser. I am now the proud wearer of a beautiful butterfly tatoo, complete with the motto "Live with the butterflies". And a great big thank you to my kids for following my advice even when I don't always follow it. They are my inspiration.
Butterflies are also symbolic of the beauty and freedom that comes when we allow something that is unusually ugly to grow and develop and have the patience to do so. Donna -- this may have thrown you off for a short period of time -- but you will grow, be even more beautiful and free when this is all over. Loving you from Boston and thinking of you in 15 hours' time.
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