Does it make me a bad person to express: The kids are gone! The kids are gone! and then do a little jig of joy? As we pass from 2011 to 2012 I cannot help but feel that the answer is: not at all!
Being a single parent is truly wonderful but a heck of alot of work. Being a divorced single parent at least has the benefit (hopefully) of having small breaks when the kids visit the other parent. However, being a divorced single parent when the other parent has limitations, can be a roller coaster. For various reasons, for over five months I have not had a break from the kids until last night:) I didn't realize how much I needed the break until they were gone.
Both kids are gone for five whole days and nights. I celebrated by having Laurie over for supper and working on a jigsaw puzzle. Today, I was going to run some errands and paint some walls, but I've decided instead to spend the entire day in my jammies, work on the puzzle, read, watch DVDs and eat cookies and ice cream - for breakfast! Monday I can run errands and paint.
The chemo is leaving me very fatigued already but my hair is still in place. I have been wig shopping with Laurie this week. Sadly, there are no really fun wigs that even come close to looking good on me. They do look awesome on the styrofoam people though. It's been fun and eye opening. The range of services runs the gamut from, "It's a shame it doesn't fit but that's just the way they're made", to "Not to worry about the puffiness back there, I'll custom fit it for you so that we eliminate that problem". There are also places that will give you scalp massages to help stimulate hair re-growth at the end and creams to use yourself. I think this may be a perfect way for mom and I to visit. My scalp is already just a touch sensitive and scalp massages on my soon to be bald pate sounds like Nirvana. Ready mom?
As for the fatigued feeling, it's shockingly like being pregnant. When you're pregnant, there is a little parasite taking over and sucking all the life out of you. That little peanut is the important life form and takes priority. Chemo makes you feel like you've been likewise invaded. It sucks the life out of you, not to support itself but to ensure that it sucks the life out of the cancer as well. I feel sort of continuously hung over. No matter how much water I take in, I'm more likely to feel like I'm drowning than I have to feel that I'm no longer thirsty. My heels have split wide open because they are completely dried out. No matter what I eat, it doesn't taste satisfying - like my taste buds are asleep. It's just a bummer that I don't have the memories of the party that caused me to feel this way. (Notice that I'm not saying "or the joy of expecting a baby" - I have two teenagers - see above)
Anyway, in the grand scheme of things I'm doing great. I can usually accomplish one thing every day and if I need to take more jammies days as the chemo goes on, so be it. Lord knows I'm owed a few hours in bed. I saw an interview with Kathleen Petty from CBC who is going through something similar and she has been reduced to watching day time television. Things will never get that bad around here.:)
Happy New Years everyone. May 2012 be the year that you achieve.
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