I never thought I'd.....

In case anyone was still in doubt, having cancer has definitely been life altering.  As Laurie keeps telling me, the first half of my life worked one way, but the second half of my life (that will start officially post-radiation) will be completely different.  I will learn to be kind to myself and more gentle with others in all aspects of life.  (At least this is my goal.  I have no doubt that my friends, colleagues and family will let me know immediately when I veer off course) 

Currently I'm struggling to get over my impatience with stupidity and meanness.  I'm also trying to learn how to create challenges for myself that aren't "battles".  I'm sure that I can find stimulation that doesn't involve a good battle - but instead a good challenge of a different nature.  That is why I say, "I never thought I'd say this, but I miss the thrill of work."  To be clear, I know that I don't want to go back to a poisonous, overworked atmosphere, but I enjoyed working.  The challenge now is to find a challenge that is healthy. 

As for my challenge to find someone to perform a nipple sparing mastectomy in Ottawa, it sadly turned out to be no real challenge at all.  I joined a breast cancer blog seeking advice and input and found that the surgery was in fact performed in Canada - in both B.C. and Alberta and eventually I heard from someone who had it performed in Toronto.  Eureka!  Toronto was definitely doable.  However, things became even simpler after my last visit with doc Clemons.  Although he and I discussed the matter previously, it wasn't until my last visit (the one where we had a party with so many people in the exam room) that he asked his resident to look into whether anyone in Ottawa would agree to take on such a difficult patient:)  I got a call from a Doc Arnault at the Women's Breast Health Centre at the Civic Campus booking an appointment for early July.  Apparently Arnault performs this operation.  My only real concern is that this is where I had a biopsy without freezing and also where I had the PICC line inserted that bled so badly.  I never thought I'd ever agree to go back to the Civic for anything - but I'll at least go and meet with Arnault and see what she's like and what she says.  Never say never.

With that well in hand, and because I have time on  my hands this summer but no real money, I have turned to my neglected back yard.  Anyone who has seen it will know that it is really nothing more than a long thin mud heap with small patches of grass and weeds.  The porch police told me that one of the previous owners got tired of painting the porches every year (who does that???) and that is why both my front and back porches are huge, ugly cement blocks.  Ugh.  The fence separating my yard from my neighbours to the north was made from old rusted wire and old plumbing pipes.  I managed to get rid of that last summer but this led to increasing problems with that neighbour who started to come over on to my lawn to "fix it" and who let his dogs and grandchildren run across the entire expanse.  Trying to eat supper while smelling (hence searching) for dog poop (the grandchildren presumably keep their diapers on) is not awesome.  I tried to speak to the neighbour about this last year to little avail - he tried to physically threaten me however - which made me laugh.  As if I haven't survived tougher battles than that!  I never thought I'd have to deal with crazy neighbours once I left Barrhaven.  I guess the 'burbs don't have a monopoly on crazy.

This summer the same neighbour started to dig a trench on my property.  Seriously?  He has already built a little wall on his side of the property (this after putting up a fence made of plastic chairs that was so far over the property line that it would have put my house in his back yard - I threw the chairs back onto his property) and now the trench from the corner of my foundation down the length of the yard - about a hundred feet.  I went outside to speak to him about it.  I know from this that my patience with stupidity needs work.

I stepped outside and started with, "Rene, I know you like to work in your garden, but I would appreciate it if you could simply stay in your yard and not dig in mine.  That would be best."

"Oh," he replies, "I wanted to discuss this with you."  (This AFTER he has dug a huge trench)  "There is a puddle of water by the corner of your house and then your property has a bump all along its length that I'm trying to fix." 
"Yes, but it's my puddle and my bump so please leave it alone."
"I know you just don't like to see me in my yard but I'm going to be here anyway."  (I have no fucking clue)
"Rene, that comment is insulting to both of us and has nothing to do with what we are discussing.  I have no position on your gardening - in fact it's great - just please leave my yard to me to deal with."
"But I have to look at this bump.  And I think the puddle is cause by the work that I did in my yard."
"I agree that the work in your yard changed the grade of the property and is causing water to pool in spots in my yard.  The solution however is for you to fix the grade in your yard, not dig trenches on mine."
"Well, why don't you just call the city and have them come and tell me what my grade is supposed to be?  And why don't you go to City Hall and get the surveys of the property from them so I know where I can dig?"  (and I can no longer even pretend to have patience!!)
"Seriously Rene?  You want me to call the city?  Sure, I will, but you have a pond that is more than two feet deep so they'll tell you to build a fence or fill it in!  Also, I'm dealing with a few things," I say, pointing at my beautiful bald head, "So why don't you go off to City Hall and get the plans and find out about the property line yourself and your own bloody grade!  I don't have any need to dig!  Fill in the trench and leave everything alone!"
"Well, the dirt in your yard has run off of my property over the past several years so I'm going to take dirt from your yard to fill in the trench."  AAAHHHHHRRRRRGGGGGG!  You could have heard my scream on Vancouver Island, I swear it.  "Stay off my property!"  I have some work to do on the patience front.  This is one reason why I cannot go back to work yet.

Let's turn now to my neighbour to the south.  He and I have a fence that is intact.  I presume that either he put it up or the previous owners of his property did b/c it's not made of old rusting pieces.  It is a relatively new chain link fence and he grows some type of weed on it that gives some privacy between our yards during the summer.  My only issue with the weed is that it grows into my poor lawn, so I trim it on my side and throw the tendrils back over to his side of the fence when I can. 

This neighbour has accessed my driveway to work on his house on numerous occasions.  He never gives me any notice, just trots up the drive.  Mostly this is okay except when he hired roofers who peeked into my kitchen window one morning before 07:00 while I was sitting in my undies at the computer.  I don't have curtains there.  The only other problem is that my car is parked there and I worry about chips to the paint when he starts drilling on the stone foundation.  I'm pretty good about moving it for that reason.  I think I've been a good neighbour.  We say hello to one another and not much else and I've never  made any fuss about him on my property doing work.

As part of my lawn growth project this summer, I need to cut some trees.  The trees are on his property but large branches come over my property resulting in almost exclusively shade in my back yard.  I've tried all kinds of shade grass but nothing works.  I approached him a couple of weeks ago to let him know that I'm getting estimates to see what it would cost to take down the trees - the parts over my lawn anyway.  We discuss this and I tell him that I'll keep as much as possible of what is growing over his yard, i.e. if it comes over my yard but then back over his, I'll try to preserve it.  He indicates that he doesn't want me to take down one large branch of a tree.  No, that's exactly what I am taking down.  I look over at him and ask him what his concern is.  Apparently he's worried about killing the tree.  (It's either a Manitoba Maple or a Hudson Maple - either way it's really just a big weed)  No worries, I'm getting estimates from arborists - not Jack with a chainsaw, so we'll see what they say.  I also did some research on my rights as a property owner in this situation.  In Ontario, I don't need his permission to trim what's on my property, nor do I need to consult with him.  I wouldn't do the work without speaking with him however.  I promise to discuss the matter with him again when I hear what the arborists have to say.

I was away this past weekend in Vaughan, Ontario with Sydny at a swim meet.  On my return, I notice a large pile of tree branches in MY back yard.  I look up at the tree that we had discussed and my neighbour has hacked off a few branches - and dumped them in my yard!  This is rather passive agressive at the best - downright hostile at the worst!  What was he thinking?  I haven't yet had the chance to speak with him about what I learned and what advice I got about cutting the trees:  I certainly didn't ask him to cut anything for me.  He has cut a few small branches that aren't going to give me any sun anyway.  It was nice of him to try to help perhaps, but to leave the cuttings in my yard?  I'm not sure what I did to deserve that! It constitutes a trespass to my property and I'll have to discuss it with him.  The new me didn't go barging over there as soon as I spotted the problem like the old me would have done.  The new me is trying to figure out how to deal with this without alienating yet another neighbour.  I'm not sure which me is winning however.  The old me would simply throw the branches back into his yard.  The new me is considering trying to have a rational discussion with him. 

I'll give the new approach a chance - but the old me is just dying to get out.  I'll keep you posted on which me comes out in the end:)